


The Dread Captain Flint

by thegreatblondebalrogslayer



Category: Black Sails
Genre: F/M, M/M, Swearing, it just happened ok, maybe a little sliverflint, ok I lied a lot of silverflint, this is still mostly James waxing poetic about Thomas though never doubt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25153900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatblondebalrogslayer/pseuds/thegreatblondebalrogslayer
Summary: He’d been back for a week and he already wanted to leave. If asked, he could and would give a list of reasons he disliked London; the smell, the crowded streets, the hypocrisy, the cold. It was so damn cold here, he wondered how he never noticed how much he hated it before. There were of course reasons he would not give; the monarchy, the Navy, the civilization.Or the unasked for and probably unwanted AU where James is already a pirate upon meeting the Hamilton's.
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton, Miranda Barlow/Captain Flint | James McGraw, Miranda Barlow/Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a probably overly introspective and angst ridden fanfic that you may or may not want. If it seems a bit time jumpy and off canon that's because it is, I generally try to stay away from using dialogue directly from source material.

England, James thought to himself, hadn't changed during his five years away. It had stagnated while he… Well,  _ he  _ had changed. Irreversibly so. 

James McGraw was back in London after being lost at sea for five years. He had been back for less than a week and he’d already been assigned a new mission working for some no doubt arrogant Lord to save Nassau. To save  _ Nassau _ . As if such a thing was a possibility. 

He’d been back for a week and he already wanted to leave. If asked, he could and would give a list of reasons he disliked London; the smell, the crowded streets, the hypocrisy, the  _ cold _ . It was so damn cold here, he wondered how he never noticed how much he hated it before. There were of course reasons he would  _ not  _ give; the monarchy, the Navy, the  _ civilization _ . 

London hadn’t changed but he had. He’d changed and he didn’t know what the  _ fuck  _ he was doing here. For the first time in five very long years, he didn’t have any urgent needs or wants. No one was actively trying to kill or undermine him. His life was… peaceful. 

He fucking hated it. 

James took a deep breath to calm himself, as if he could at this point, and entered the tavern. He was to meet the Lord here, it would do him good to not strangle the man upon meeting him. Saving  _ Nassau _ . James scoffed out loud. You couldn’t save something that didn’t want to be saved. 

And Nassau, above all else, reveled in chaos and disorder. 

The tavern was relatively busy but James paid the people no mind, he was despite his reservations, here for a reason. 

The reason was none other than Lord Thomas Hamilton. James' eyes were drawn to him immediately. Later he might even admit that  _ he  _ had felt drawn to him in his totality. For now, his singular thought was ‘ _ Oh, oh no _ .’ And thus, with no fanfare or imminent danger, he knew he was in trouble.

Barely two sentences into their exchange and he was certain of it. This man, this  _ Lord _ of all things, had barely opened his mouth before insulting James. And the only thing James wanted to do was prove him wrong. Anyone else and James would have done much more than respond with some degree of humor. A month ago if anyone had spoken to him in such a manner and he would have bashed their fucking head in. 

An hour into their acquaintance and James had seemingly proved himself to Lord Hamilton, he truly had no ambition and he did care about Nassau. Even if it was because every third day he wanted to burn it to the ground himself. 

The unfortunate thing was, Hamilton seemed to be sincere. Painfully so in fact. He truly wanted Nassau to thrive. It was… perplexing to say the least. 

It wasn’t until he met the Lord’s wife that he truly understood. Thomas Hamilton, despite it all, or perhaps because of it, was a good man. And for some ungodly reason, he was under the assumption that James was too. 

But he didn’t know, no one did. James hadn’t been a good man in five long years. Maybe he hadn’t ever been one to begin with. Nassau did that to a man. Or maybe man had done that to Nassau.

James had been reborn in Nassau and it seemed that the Navy and Lord Hamilton wanted him to help birth a new Nassau. 

He truly was fucked. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James doesn't know what to commit to and waxes poetic about Thomas, in other words a typical day.

James woke to the sounds of shouting. It wasn’t anything surprising truth be told, it happened more days than not, the tenants above him had a rocky relationship at best. Still, the shouting woke James with a start and he reached for his pistol before he had even opened his eyes. 

So there he was at the crack of dawn; hair hopelessly messed up, eyes blurred, pistol in hand and breath short. He groaned and fell back into his bed. It couldn’t be denied that city life had its advantages, but neighbors were not one of them. At least he didn’t have to worry about being stabbed in his sleep. 

Well, not that much anyway. 

Still, it was morning and the day ahead wouldn’t wait for him to catch up with it. Nor, it seemed, would his bed-mate for Lady Hamilton groaned and rubbed at her eyes as she woke from her slumber.

“James? What time is it?” Miranda asked him, still partially asleep.

“Half past six, you ought to be headed back.” She ought to have not stayed at all.  _ He  _ ought to have not slept with her at all. This was all bound to get incredibly messy. James didn’t like a lot of things but he hated leaving behind messes. That was what his pistol was usually for.

Thinking of his pistol, which was still in his hand, he shoved it back under his pillow before Miranda could see it. She didn’t, she hadn’t even opened her eyes fully yet. 

“I’ll never understand how you can do that, just know the time without looking at a clock.” Miranda grumbled as she sat up to dress herself. 

“I doubt you ever will, it’s not conscious. It comes from years at sea and needing to know the precise position of the sun at all hours.” James also began to dress himself. All those years lost at sea and he’d never once missed his Navy uniform. At the beginning he’d certainly missed what it represented or rather what he thought it did and who he was when he wore them. 

Now it was all just a hassle. A hassle. That described most of his life up until now. Most people who had met him would describe him as a hassle, if not worse. Mostly worse. 

“I’ll never tire of you speaking of the sea and sailing, even if you never cease to dumb it down for my benefit. There is little in this life that can compare to listening to someone you care about speaking about something that they are passionate about.” Miranda said, as sage and breathtakingly honest as ever. 

Most people would describe him as far worse than a hassle, Miranda was most certainly not one of those people. She stood and gestured for him to help her tie her dress, he did, he didn’t think there was anything he could refuse her. 

“We should take the carriage home.” Miranda said, as bold and brash as ever.

“Miranda…” James started, they’d had this discussion a hundred times. 

“James, don’t be ridiculous, you’ll just be along right after me anyways. It’s terribly inefficient for us to ride separately.” She said, as she’d said a hundred other times. 

“People will talk.” James said. Sometimes he put up more of a fight, he should have today but he was still so damn tired. 

“People will always talk.” Miranda’s tone was final, it often was. 

James gave her a half-hearted glare but followed her as she left his room. The hall was thankfully empty as was the street below. Miranda’s carriage was waiting for them, as it usually was. The driver was discrete as always, not even looking at them as he helped her into the carriage. James made to follow her but paused, a chill hit him and he looked around the street but there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. 

It was early and hardly anybody was out and about, there was a pair of men across the street smoking and a few people further down the road but that was it. 

“James? Come along, I thought we were done arguing.” Miranda’s voice broke into his thoughts. 

“Yes, of course.” James climbed into the carriage and they were off. 

\-----------

The thing about Miranda was that she was of course married. The thing about James was that he wasn’t a good man and didn’t much care for the institution or sanctity of marriage. The thing about Miranda’s marriage was that she was married to one Thomas Hamilton. The thing about Thomas Hamilton James' mind so frequently reminded him was that he was a good man.

James wouldn’t be hard pressed to admit that Thomas was the only good man he had ever met. Nor would he be surprised if someone told him assuredly and without any doubt that Thomas was the  _ only  _ good man. 

So the thing about Miranda was that she was married to Thomas and of course that James was having an affair with her. He was having an affair with the woman who was married to possibly the only good man on the planet. He wasn’t sorry. 

Except for when he was. 

Some of the time he felt like he was betraying his friendship with Thomas. Some of the time he felt like he was betraying his relationship with Miranda for feeling sorry. Most of the time he just felt damn awkward about it. 

Miranda had been right of course, not that he hadn’t believed her but he hadn’t actually, Thomas  _ didn’t  _ care. Some part of him, probably the part that had been gone for five years and was categorically  _ not _ a good man, wished that Thomas did care. 

That part of him wished that Thomas was jealous and knew exactly  _ who  _ he wanted Thomas to be jealous of. 

But that part of him had been buried before he’d made it back to England. It had been buried where no one but him even knew to look. 

So, James pretended like he didn’t know that Thomas knew but didn’t care. James pretended a lot of things these days. He was getting dreadfully good at it, he almost wasn’t sorry. 

Except… Well except for times like these, when he was sitting in Thomas’s study pouring over the mans’ hopeless plans for Nassau. He wanted to stop pretending and tell Thomas to  _ give up _ . He wanted to tell Thomas that Nassau would never fall in line because of that one thing they’d decided not to discuss. And it was in no small part his fault. 

But James didn’t care for much these days; not money, not civilization, or people. But above all, he certainly didn’t care much for getting hanged. So, he limited the input to what he should have and not what he did have. 

_ ‘Nassau _ ,’ he thought, ‘ _ can burn for all it's done.’  _ It wasn’t that he wanted Thomas to fail, but his heart wasn’t in it. His heart hadn’t been in much of anything for some time now. 

“James? James, are you listening? Oh dear, you haven’t gotten ill have you? I’ll fetch the doctor at once.” Thomas's voice grew more and more urgent, breaking James out of his reverie.

“Thomas, Thomas sit down. I’m fine, just got lost in thought that’s all.” James pulled at Thomas who had started for the door. “I’m fine, come sit back down. Tell me again what you were planning to do about the fort?”

James held Thomas’s arm in his hand as he steered him back to his seat. If he held on for longer than what was proper, well… It wasn’t proper for him to have grabbed Thomas at all but that hadn’t stopped him either.

Thomas sat back down, “Well if you’re quite certain, I don’t suppose I ought to tell Miranda to go easy on you should I?”

James had, perhaps idiotically, taken a sip of his tea before Thomas had finished his sentence and had of course promptly inhaled it incorrectly at Thomas’ statement. Of course while he knew that Thomas had known, Thomas actually  _ talking  _ about it was another thing altogether.

James coughed more than a little and put his tea cup down, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean my lord.” 

“I’m sure you do James, you do look more than a little flushed. Are you quite sure you’re alright? Miranda would never forgive me if I broke you?” Thomas was giving him one of those  _ looks  _ now. One of those looks which said he was studying you, as if he could see into your very soul. He could see  _ you _ , all of you and thought there was something worth knowing there. James, not being anything near sure of who he even  _ was _ these days, felt deeply uncomfortable. He wanted to hate Thomas for it. But he couldn’t.

“I’m fine Thomas, just tired. Now the fort from what I’ve heard…” James continued on speaking and Thomas continued just watching him. 

These moments were frequent, they often ended in debates of philosophy and politics. James should have been grateful to be assigned this, to Thomas, after being lost at sea for five years. It was on paper an easy job, a way to get his toes wet before being shipped off again. There were only a few problems, as there often were. 

Firstly, it was not an easy job. It wasn’t easy because aside from Thomas, there were very few people who wanted Nassau to continue at all in any way that held something from its current iteration. There was also Thomas himself who, though they hadn’t spoken of it, was likely planning  _ something  _ foolish in regards to the pirate problem. 

Second, he  _ hadn’t  _ actually been lost at sea for five years, and while most were content for him not to go into too many details not everyone was. He was lucky in that he hadn’t had too many people close to him before his… misadventure. He was also unfortunate in that the one person he had been close to was an admiral in the bloody navy and that he could only avoid him for so long. And of course avoiding him did their Nassau projects no favors. 

“James, dear, you’re doing it again. Are you sure you’re feeling well? Perhaps you should lie down for a bit, you can stay where you are, no one will disturb you. I think you rather ought to take a nap.” Thomas was looking at him, he seemed so concerned.  _ ‘Someone,” _ James thought in a voice that wasn’t his own,  _ ‘is concerned for you and you won’t even do them the courtesy of telling them all the ways that they’ll suffer for knowing you.’ _

“Is that an order my lord?” James snarked at Thomas, ignoring the voice like always. 

“If it means you’ll lie down, then yes.” Thomas pointedly ignored him after that. 

The thing was, James was so fucking tired. He wasn’t even sure what he was tired of anymore. But at least here, in Thomas’ study, he was safe and warm. 

As safe as James had ever been. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy angst batman

James woke to a quiet and warm room. He could hear Thomas breathing quietly, his quill scratching on the paper he wrote on. He heard Miranda’s voice muffled in another room, he couldn’t make out what she was saying. There was a blanket on him that hadn’t been there when he had laid down. 

He felt odd in that moment, the moment when you’ve just awoken and the world is still far away. Time slows down, not for long but long enough to  _ breathe _ . It took him what felt like an eternity to place that feeling, for time was still out of sync in this moment, but here in this house he felt at  _ peace _ . In this house with Thomas and Miranda, his friends. His… well. 

Thomas’s writing stopped. James lay there for a minute, in all his life he’d never known this, this  _ calm _ . He opened an eye and looked over to where Thomas sat. He was looking at him, James had known he was before he even opened his eye. He had  _ felt _ it.

When Thomas looked at someone, at  _ him _ , he seemed to be looking at their very self. Lots of people studied other people; for fun, for survival, to gain an advantage. Miranda watched people for fun and to glean useful information. James had frequently had to watch others to live just another day. Thomas watched people because they fascinated him, not out of some need to play with the lives of others, but a pure delight in people’s very existence. 

James felt himself waver under the weight of Thomas’s gaze. Thomas didn’t want things from people, he wanted to know them. And that terrified James more than anything else, the thought of Thomas knowing him. 

“What?” James said, his voice low and cracking from his sleep.

Thomas’s eyes bore into what felt like James’ very soul. 

“You drool when you sleep.” Thomas said, his eyes never wavering from James.

James laughed more than a little weakly and sat up stiffly. He wiped at his mouth. “Better now?”

“Hmm.” Was all Thomas said as he went back to his writing. 

Miranda entered then, a whirlwind of well, Miranda-ness. “Is our dear lieutenant finally awake then? I’ve come to inform you both that we are going on an outing.” She walked over to Thomas and placed a delicate but firm place on his shoulder. Thomas lifted it up and kissed it. James should have looked away but he couldn’t. 

“And where are we going my dear?” Thomas asked her.

“I thought it would be entertaining to visit the hedge maze just outside of town.” Miranda said. “James you’ll come along won’t you?”

“Of course.” James stood and neatly folded the blanket that had covered him. 

“Excellent the carriage is waiting for us.” Miranda said then left the room, James and Thomas followed. 

The streets were more crowded than they had been earlier, dozens of people went about their business. Yet James’s feeling of being watched persisted. Surely here, in the midst of civilization, they had nothing to fear? 

Maybe he was getting old. Old and paranoid. 

Still, he scanned the streets. No one looked out of place, not that that meant anything. 

“James?” Thomas called to him from within the carriage. 

He shook his head and climbed up. 

The carriage ride was oddly pleasant. Or maybe it wasn’t so odd for anything involving Miranda and Thomas to seem pleasant to him. The three of them chatted the ride away. Miranda briefed them on all the gossip of the Lords and Ladies they had been bereft of. Thomas scolded her lightly on prying into the affairs of others but seemed just as delighted at the various pieces of news. James laughed at the both of them. 

The mazes were at first glance large and foreboding. James stared up at them, wondering what horrors might lurk within. Some that knew him in years past might have compared  _ him _ to a labyrinth. Drawing people in to lose their bearings, and ultimately their very self, and never letting them leave save for death. 

Miranda laughed and drew him out of the depths of his mind. “I have the most delightful idea, James we’ve heard from so many how resourceful you are, I propose a game?”

“And what’s that?” James rose an eyebrow at her. 

She placed her arm within Thomas’s “I propose that you give Thomas and I a five minute head-start into the maze. Once the time is up, you enter and the three of us shall see how long it takes to find us.” 

It sounded like a terrible idea. Thomas agreed. 

“Miranda, that maze is huge, it could be hours before he finds us!” Thomas sighed. They were standing in front of the entrance now, there weren’t many people around them.

“Then we shall have to find some means to entertain ourselves.” Miranda said wickedly. 

Thomas laughed at her and said something witty no doubt but James wasn’t listening. Because just forty feet away there was a man staring at him. He didn’t recognize him, but if he thought back he was  _ sure _ he had seen him earlier in the day. Another two men came up to stand with him. 

He had known, he had  _ fucking  _ known something was off but he’d paid no mind to his instincts and  _ fuck!  _ He had been so  _ fucking  _ stupid coming back to London, what the hell had he expected to happen? Not  _ this,  _ he thought. He hadn’t expected them, to care.

“I think,” his voice cracked, “I think it’s a wonderful idea.” He said to Thomas and Miranda, who were still arguing. “I imagine I’ll manage to find you both within the hour, if I were you I’d try and get as far in as possible.” 

Thomas still looked like he wanted to argue but Miranda’s eyes gleamed with the challenge. The men were moving closer. “Then we have a bet lieutenant.” She said and dragged Thomas quickly into the maze.

The men drew closer slowly until they were ten feet from him. He waited for them to make the first move, in a fight or with words. 

“Hello there Captain.” One of the men drawled out. “I expect you know what’s brought us here.” 

James closed his eyes for a brief moment, then opened them and looked at their surroundings. There were too many people here for this. He didn’t want this. They hadn’t attracted any attention but they would soon. He didn’t even have a knife on him. James cursed himself silently. They each had a sword and pistol. He had nothing. 

James looked at the men standing before him, they had done their best to fit in to civilization but he could tell. The same way someone might have been able to tell if they had looked at him the right way. They were  _ fucking pirates _ .

It hadn’t yet been 4 minutes since Thomas and Miranda had gone into the maze. It would have to be enough. He needed to be quiet. 

James didn’t say a word and slipped into the maze behind them. What had seemed to him ominous and foreboding walls of green now were inviting. Maybe  _ he  _ was the maze after all. Or maybe he was a fucking idiot for being put in this situation to begin with. Probably the latter. 

He ducked into the first dead end he found and listened. The men raced past him, expecting him to have gone further in to escape. He took in a deep breath, hoping desperately that he had been right in his guess at which way Thomas and Miranda had gone. He moved.

The first man he came upon wasn’t that far ahead of him, he’d no doubt split off to check another path that had turned out to be a dead end. They should have stayed together. James crept up behind him and quickly placed a hand over his mouth and his other arm around his neck. 

The man struggled. 

They should have stayed together. 

His neck broke, James dragged him further into the dead end. James moved on. 

He found the second man much the same as the first. He turned around at the last second and opened his mouth to yell but James was too close. He too was dragged further into the depths of the maze. 

James crept on. The third man met the same end as the rest. 

James moved back towards the entrance, he was lucky no one else besides them had been in the maze today. He was lucky that Thomas and Miranda had gone the other way. He was lucky… 

He was an idiot. 

James tried to quiet his adrenaline and his breath. He placed a shaking hand on the wall of green. His other fist clenched. 

He couldn’t stay here, by his count it was twenty-five minutes since Thomas and Miranda had entered the maze. They needed to leave.  _ Now.  _

He found them ten minutes later at the center of the maze on a stone bench. Miranda was laughing as she sat on Thomas’s lap. They looked up and spotted him in delight. 

“James!” Thomas laughed, “I think it’s barely been half an hour.” 

“Thirty-five minutes by my count.” James said. “I have an excellent sense of direction.” 

“James, are you alright? You look ill.” Miranda said. She stood and felt his forehead. “You’re quite warm, we ought to get you home.”

He should have argued, but they did need to leave. Desperately. Besides what would he have said?  _ Yes, well Miranda that does tend to happen when you kill three men in twenty minutes with your bare hands.  _ He smiled shakily at their concerned faces and led them out of the maze. 

They’re little outing had lasted less than an hour and he was utterly spent. He scanned the street before climbing into the carriage after them. He hadn’t seen anyone but if today had proved anything, it was that that didn’t mean anything. 

\--------------

A week later James is at their house again. He and Thomas were discussing Nassau when Miranda called them to dinner. 

“Mrs. Carter two doors down said the strangest thing the other day.” Miranda said. 

“Oh?” Thomas asked curiously. Mrs. Carter, even James knew, had the best gossip.

“She said that they found three bodies inside the maze not two days after we went there. Apparently it gave visitors quite the fright, imagine if we had been there when it occurred.” Miranda shivered. “I shudder to think what might have happened to us.”

“That’s dreadful, was there any news as to what happened or if the their families have been told yet?” Thomas said, his voice ringing with a sincere compassion.

James had spent too long at sea and in the command of men who would tear him apart at the first sign of weakness to show anything out of the ordinary at the news. But within his head, he was screaming. 

“Only that their necks had been snapped and they were armed. Perhaps they went looking for someone they shouldn’t have.” Miranda said.

They really shouldn’t have split up. Not that it would have made much of a difference, it probably would have been much more messy.

“Still, a horrible way to meet one's end.” Thomas sighed.

James hummed in agreement. 

Miranda nodded. “Now Mrs. Carter also said that Jennifer Carter, her niece, has apparently taken up with…” 

And dinner went on. Life went on. Except James felt like something was ticking closer and closer. Those men hadn’t been alone, he knew it. 

Even if they had, if they had found him it was only a matter of time before someone else did too. And when they did? What then? 

Would he wait for all of Nassau to come after him? One by one? Kill them all? Would it be someone he knew next? It was more than possible.

James left the Hamilton’s house that night. There was something else he’d been putting off for far too long. Something he might not get another chance to do if events kept escalating further. That didn’t make it any easier. 

He sighed as he entered the pub. He had grown up in the navy, surrounded by officers and soldiers. But he had also spent five years  _ away _ from the navy, about as far as one can get and still find themselves at times at the other end of the navy’s sword. Now, he was surrounded by the navy. 

He felt like he might drown. He didn’t know if it was from the shame of who he had become or who he was. He didn’t know which was worse.

His eyes flickered across the room, faces he should recognize but didn’t. Save one. 

He moved over to the admiral sitting alone, two beers were in front of him. James sat down and reached for his. “Admiral.” He said to the man. 

“James, you’ve been avoiding me.” Hennessey had never been one to pull punches. “But never mind that, tell me of your project.”

James did just that. Hennessey seemed cautious at best, wary at worst. James knew he had slipped up when he called Thomas by his christian name. He could have pegged it up to the years lost at sea but he didn’t. He didn’t know what Hennesy was thinking as he left James for a moment but he did know that he needed more beer. 

James sighed and stood up. 

Now James knew that there were times when a man should let things go, no matter the offense. He knew that sometimes the fight wasn’t worth the trouble that would inevitably follow. He knew that even as James McGraw at his best he wouldn’t have been able to let any slight go. He knew that a year ago he wouldn’t have  _ wanted _ to let a fight go. 

He knew that five years ago he might have listened to Hennessey shouting for him to stop. But he wasn’t who he was five years ago so he  _ couldn’t  _ stop. Hands pulled him away, he struggled for a moment, then he saw the look on Hennessey’s face.

He’d seen that look before, too many times to count. It wasn’t just one thing; it was fear, it was anger, it was helplessness, it was disgust. 

He sent the rest of the men out but James didn’t hear him. He tried to tell James to watch out for his demons, to be wary of them. James didn’t hear him. He knew his demons as much as a man could and still be able to call them his.

Hennessey walked him out of the pub and gave him one last look before walking away to his carriage. 

James walked home. It was almost too far to walk but he didn’t care. He was struggling to breathe again but he kept walking. What was he  _ doing. _ He should have left a week ago. He should have left a month ago. He should have never come in the first place. 

He wasn’t even paying attention to where he was going until he ended up in front of Thomas’s and Miranda’s home. That was where he had wanted to go though, wasn’t it? Home? He wasn’t sure he had one, if he had ever had one to begin with. But this? But them? They were the closest thing to a home he could even conceive. 

He should keep walking.

He stumbled forward to the door. The servant who opened it recognized him and barely blinked at him in shock before he let him in. James' feet kept moving. Miranda’s voice came down from the top of the stairs before she did, “Is someone there-oh James!” She rushed down to him as he collapsed onto the floor.

“What on earth happened? Who did this to you?” She touched his face gently before looking over the rest of him. His fists were raw from his rage. 

“I’m fine.” He rasped out. “I don’t…” Jesus he was so tired. “I don’t want Thomas to see.” To see what, he didn’t say, there was so much of  _ him _ he didn’t want Thomas to see. Miranda searched his eyes and she looked as if she understood as much as a person could in that moment.

She nodded and led him to a spare bedroom. She cleaned him up quietly. She was quiet. 

“Just ask.” He said. 

“What happened James?” Her voice was so quiet. 

“There was a man, an officer he said… things about Thomas. About  _ you _ .” He clenched his fists. She eased them open.

“I don’t need you to defend my honor James.” She said, her voice patient, like a mother trying to teach a child something. 

“It wasn’t just that.” James said. 

“Then what?” She asked but he wouldn’t say it. He couldn’t say it, not to her.

He closed his eyes. She sighed and covered him with blankets. She kissed his forehead and left the room. 

He couldn’t tell her that he had almost killed that man. He couldn’t tell her that it would have been for so many reasons. For talking about her that way, about Thomas. For thinking James was less than him for not being the offspring of some Lord or Lady. But the thing in that moment that had stuck out the most was that he  _ dared _ . He dared to question James. His authority, his motives, his capabilities, it didn’t really matter. 

These past few months James had been trying to move on, to forget where he’d been. What he’d done. But Nassau changes a man. It changed him. It had sunk its claws into him before he’d even stepped foot on the island, before he’d even given anyone his name. 

James lay in the dark. He didn’t move. He barely breathed. 

It was hours before anything changed in this, his own personal cave. Then the door creaked open and a sliver of light entered the room. Thomas stood at the door, not making a sound. James turned so he wouldn't see him. 

Thomas sighed and shut the door behind him. James felt the bed shift under his weight as Thomas sat down beside him. James tensed but Thomas didn’t say a word. He placed a warm hand on James’ shoulder. James felt a tear slide from the corner of his eye to the bridge of his nose. He squeezed his eyes close. 

Thomas moved his hand slowly down his arm until their hands met. James held his hand like a lifeline. Thomas rubbed slow, gentle, circles into his hand. James sobbed quietly. 

James lay there with Thomas beside him for he didn’t know how long. 

Thomas gently lifted his hand from his side, cradling it between his hands like it was the most precious thing in the world, and pressed a kiss so gentle to the back of his hand it was barely there. James wept more. 

Thomas moved closer to him and pulled James into his arms, into his lap. James turned his body into him. Thomas cradled his head with one arm and his back with the other. 

James cried himself to sleep there, in Thomas’s arms. 

\--------------

When he woke his head ached and his throat hurt. Thomas was still holding him. His eyes were closed but he was still awake. James looked up at him. 

“Miranda told me you got into a fight over her honor. For my honor.” Thomas said quietly. He opened his eyes and stared into James. 

James felt the urge to run. He’d never felt the need to run out of fear like so many other men had, but confronted with Thomas’s judgment? He wanted nothing more than to  _ flee _ . 

“Wasn’t much of a fight.” James said because he’d only ever known how to make things harder on himself.

Thomas was quiet, he was waiting, still looking into his eyes. James couldn’t bear it.

“I was going to kill him.” James said. 

“Jesus James.” Thomas said and he closed his eyes.  _ Finally  _ James thought. “Did he deserve it?”

“Does anyone?” James said. Thomas opened his eyes and James shivered. “No.”

“Then why?” Thomas didn’t understand, he  _ couldn’t. _

“Because he talked poorly of Miranda, of you. Because he talked poorly of me. Because it's Tuesday, does it matter? I couldn’t stop myself and I didn’t want to.” James hissed at Thomas. He expected anger, disgust, fear. He wanted it, he  _ needed it. _

“James,” Thomas started, his eyes drifted away into the dark, “you cannot let your anger take hold of you like that.” 

“Some days I think that’s all I am, just rage.” James said. Thomas should have run from him. “Those men Miranda mentioned at dinner? The ones found in the hedge maze?” 

Thomas blinked at him, surprised at the sudden change of topic. It wasn’t though.

“I killed them.” James said, not an ounce of remorse colored his voice.

Thomas blinked at him. “Why?”

It was such a simple question with so many answers. 

“They wanted something from me.” James said. It was barely even half of an answer. 

“You killed three men without a single weapon because they wanted something from you?” Thomas’s voice was full of disbelief. 

“Yes.” 

“I see, and it had nothing to do with Miranda and myself also being within the maze unaware of the present danger?” Thomas said smartly. 

“And if it did? Would that make it any better? They were there looking for me and there will be more.” James turned his head away from Thomas but Thomas grabbed his chin so he couldn’t move it away. 

“And you’re going to what? Just murder whoever comes for you in the dead of night? I’m sure that will work out splendidly for you.” Thomas paused. “Let me help you James,  _ please _ . I can protect you.”

James snorted. “You couldn’t hire enough men to keep them away from me.” 

“To keep  _ who _ away from you?” Thomas was growing exasperated. James could finally see the fear finally entering his eyes, but it wasn’t for himself. It was for James.

“I’ll be fine.” James said, with finality. 

“I don’t believe you.” Thomas said, desperately. But the conversation was over, at least for now.

“Why do you care so much?”  _ Why do I care so much what you think? _

“James, honestly.” Thomas said with complete exasperation before he leaned in close and placed a gentle, honest, sweet kiss on his lips. 

James’ body leaned into it. He broke the kiss unwillingly. “You can’t.” He croaked out. 

Thomas stroked a hand through James’ hair “I already do.” He kissed him again.

\--------------

Two days later they’re sitting in his office when Thomas says to him, “I would ask you not to run but I know there is an exceedingly large chance you will not listen so I’ll ask you to not do so without saying goodbye first.”

James nods carefully, it’s a promise he might not be able to keep but he’ll make and break it gladly.

\--------------

Two weeks go by without incident. 

Two weeks until he’s summoned urgently to the Hamilton’s house and he can’t  _ breathe  _ for fear. He’s greeted with a calm but worried Miranda who tells him that there’s nothing to worry about other than Thomas’s bastard of a father. She doesn’t use those words but he knows her well enough to understand her meaning. 

He goes to Thomas, he thinks some part of him will  _ always _ want to go to Thomas. Miranda gives them a shaky smile before leaving the room. 

Thomas is standing more still than he’d ever seen him. James wonders what it's like, to care so deeply and desperately for a place you’d never seen, never even been to.

“You want to pardon the pirates.” James says in a daze. It was absurd. He told Thomas as such. 

Thomas’s eyes plead to him, they  _ beg  _ him. “Do you think it will work?” 

James closes his eyes. “For most of them? Yes. But there are some who would die before taking a pardon.” 

“It won’t work if they don’t all take it. I don’t want to pick and choose who gets a pardon based on whether they’ll take it or not.” Thomas says. 

“There are certain pirates who will never,  _ ever _ , take your pardon. They will be insulted by the mere idea of it. Vane and Silver to name two, honestly probably the only two you need concern yourself with.” James says reluctantly. 

“And Flint?” Thomas asks and it takes everything in him not to recoil at that. 

“I don’t think you need to worry about him.”

“I realize his crew mutinied against him, but you don’t think he could have survived? That he’ll return to Nassau?” Thomas doesn’t know. He can’t know what his words are doing to him.

“From what I heard he  _ can’t  _ return to Nassau. It would be far too dangerous for him to even think it.” James’ tone is deadly serious. 

Thomas seems accepting for now. “Say we shelve the dread Captains for now, other than them do you think it could work?”

“Jesus Thomas, maybe. But it's a weak maybe and not worth getting yourself killed over!” James is trying not to shout. 

“That’s not so dissimilar from what Miranda told me earlier.” Thomas said wryly. 

“You know they’re right about you, you are mad.” James grits out as he stands up. Thomas follows him and catches his arm before he opens the door. He pulls James in and cradles his face. He kisses him and James wishes he would never let go of him. 

But it is time and he does. 

Alfred Hamilton is everything James had imagined and worse. He can feel his rage building within him. He can feel Miranda’s building within her. He can hear and see Thomas’s anger. James has said and done worse to men more than Alfred Hamilton will ever be. He’s angered men that should have made him far more afraid, men that could have personally seen through their threats. 

None of them have ever scared him so much. 

Much later when the three of them are in bed Thomas is gently caressing his back as Miranda is held in his arms. They’re all awake. “I wanted to kill him.” James whispers. He’s not sure who he’s saying it to, who he wants to hear it. Or if he’s asking for permission. 

“But you didn’t.” It’s Thomas who answers. Thomas who will  _ never _ give him permission. Miranda stiffens slightly in his arms. She would. She wants to. 

James lays there until his two lovers fall asleep. He can’t sleep, not tonight. He knows what James McGraw would have done, he would have sailed to Nassau desperate to prove Thomas right. He knows what James Flint would have done, he would have killed Alfred Hamilton and anyone else he needed to. 

But he doesn’t know what  _ he  _ should do. He is this strange amalgamation of two very different people, or rather one person at very different stages of their life. 

He shouldn’t have come back to London but he can’t find himself regretting it. He can’t bear the thought of regretting  _ them _ . So he doesn’t. 

He does slowly, carefully, make his way out of the bed though. He needs air to  _ think. _ He leaves the house and sits on a bench in a nearby park. He stares at his hands. They’re trembling in the dim glow of the streetlight.

He hears him before he sees him. The soft but unmistakable thumping of the uneven weight of a metal boot. The sound of Long John Silver. James closes his eyes. 

“After those three men came for me I had wondered when you would show up.” James said quietly. 

“Someone spotted you on the docks, you had to know it would happen eventually.” Silver tells him quietly, in that voice that had captivated so many men. It had captivated  _ him  _ first though. 

“I’ve always excelled above all else at lying to myself. I told myself that with you at my side the men would never betray me.” James was quiet now. He should be raging, it was probably what Silver expected from him. 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say Captain.” Silver says, as unapologetic as ever. “You couldn’t stop so I stopped you.”

James snorts. “I’m sorry, am I supposed to believe that you caused my entire crew to mutiny against me for my own  _ good _ ?” He turns to look at Silver. He’s not looking at him. 

“Does it matter why?” Silver’s voice is agitated. 

“Yes it  _ matters _ . It matters because I left and now you’re here again to drag me back or kill me, I haven’t decided which it is yet and neither, I think, have you.” James hisses at him.

“Jesus  _ stop doing that. _ ” Silver hisses back at him. 

“Stop doing  _ what? _ ” James snarls at him. 

“Being  _ you! _ God you’re so difficult.” Silver folds his arms like a petulant  _ child _ . 

James snorts. “Well go on, out with it, I know you want to ask me. You don’t have much of a choice do you.”

Silver glares at him. “You know when you disappeared,” 

James cuts him off with a “Jesus, not another story…” 

But Silver continues on. “When you disappeared everyone wondered where you went. Months went by, we’d all given up hope of finding you. Until word came that someone had seen you here, in London. They had seen you masquerading as an officer of the royal navy, a lieutenant at that.” Silver pauses and his eyes gauge into James. He looks away.

“We all wondered how you’d manage to do that, to fool the navy into taking you among their ranks and rising so quickly. Most of Nassau was afraid that you’d done it to have your revenge upon us, to wipe Nassau from the face of the earth with her majesty’s Navy.” Silver pauses here, letting James interject if he wishes to.

James scoffs, “And what did you think?”

“I must admit I agreed with them. Until I came myself and spoke with another officer, he was more than willing to tell me all about you. You see he needed a sympathetic ear after the beating you gave him.” Silver has always been too damn smart for his own good. 

“Jesus.”

“I imagine you’ll understand my surprise when I found out that it was no ruse to shower Nassau with your wrath. My surprise when I learnt your true name, James McGraw. It was shocking to learn that the most feared pirate captain of the seas had grown up in the navy itself. But I suppose it does explain quite a bit.” 

“I suppose it does.” James said bitterly. 

“There’s one thing I still don’t understand.” Silver said. 

James snarled at him “And what’s that?

“What it is you’re doing with them.” He gestures in the direction of Thomas and Miranda’s house. 

“None of your damn business.” James says, he's beyond tired of Silver’s games. 

Silver raises his hands “Peace. Just curious that’s all.”

“You still haven’t asked me for it.” James says. 

“You won’t give it to me.” Silver responds, leaning back into the bench. 

“No I won’t.” James agrees. “So what are you going to do? Kidnap me? Have the men try to torture it out of me? Try to bribe me? You have nothing I want.”

“You could come home.” Silver says, it's almost desperate, his plea.

James laughs bitterly. “Home.” 

“ _ Please James _ .” Silver whispers. 

“You couldn’t kill me then and you can’t kill me now. Maybe even more so now.” James stares at Silver and believes his own words like they are gospel. Silver is looking at him desperately. James moves to stand but Silver grabs his hand. 

“I can’t keep them from coming for you any longer.” Silver says desperately. 

James wants to ask why he ever did in the first place. He doesn’t. He gently removes his hand from Silver’s and stands up. “Goodbye John.” He leans over him and Silver closes his eyes. James kisses him on the forehead and leaves him to be swallowed up by the darkness. 

\------------

He goes to his apartment from there. He needs to be alone. 

The morning comes along with a knock at his door. It’s Miranda. She seems to have this sense of when he needs her the most. He lets her in. 

“Thomas thought you had run. I told him you wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye but…” She trails off as she sits on his bed. 

“But you weren’t certain of it yourself.” He sits next to her. “I find myself at a loss. I am surrounded by impossible situations with answers that conflict and inflate each other.”

“I feel much the same.” She said quietly. “I wish…”

“That we could spirit Thomas away in the dead of night?” James grins at her. 

“God yes.” She laughs. “But he would never forgive us.” 

“No he wouldn’t or he wouldn’t be Thomas.” He agrees. “We wouldn’t love him if he were any less infuriating.” 

“Yes we would.” She smiles because she knows she’s right. In any and every world possible, they would  _ love Thomas Hamilton _ .

“Yes we would.” He agrees. She looks so profoundly sad in this moment, as though she knows what is coming for them but can’t see a way out because they cannot be anyone other than themselves. Their doom is of their own making and they will walk with it gladly hand in hand to meet their end because it is who they  _ are. _

“I don’t think I’ve told you Miranda, but I do love you.” James stares at her with sincerity. 

“I know darling.” She tries to smile but her mouth wobbles. He brings her into his arms. He wishes he could keep her there forever. 

She takes a moment to gather herself before leaning back. “I never noticed before but your ear is pierced isn’t it?” 

He laughs. “It is, would you like to see the earring?” 

She brightens. “Of course!”

He reaches under the bed and pulls out a small box. In it he has a handful of rings and one lone earring. He takes out the earring and hands her the box so that she might examine its contents. 

“You never wear these?” She holds up each ring in turn, examining them. 

“They’re not exactly uniform regulation.” He says as he puts the earring in place. It feels a familiar weight in his ear, it's soothing in a way.

She looks up and her jaw drops. “Oh, that’s not good. That’s not good at all.” 

He looks at her in confusion, he always thought it looked rather good on him. “Really? I always liked it.” 

“No,” she laughs and puts a hand on her mouth “I’m sorry it’s just I’m afraid I simply can’t allow you to ever take it off again.” 

“Oh?” He grins at her. 

“I think I might swoon between that grin and the earring, imagine the look on Thomas’s face!” She laughs. 

His eyes light up. “You think he’ll like it that much?” 

“Oh I’m certain of it, it is a crime you have made us live without it for so long.” She reaches up to touch it. 

“As long as you don’t punish me too harshly I think I’ll manage.” He grins at her and she laughs as he brings her in for a kiss. 

They don’t leave his bed until noon. Then they go home to Thomas. 

Thomas is sitting in a chair in the bedroom when they get back. He’s slumped down with a glass in hand. James can tell it's his first, he’s probably been pacing all morning. He looks up and seems surprised to see James alongside Miranda. 

“I thought you’d left us.” His voice sounds wrecked.

“No, I just needed a walk and some time alone.” James kneels in front of Thomas.

Miranda comes up beside them and places a hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “I’m afraid it’s my fault it took so long but well, look at him.” 

Then Thomas does and his mouth falls open slightly. “Oh.” Is all he says. Then it's “Oh, oh darling you are never permitted to take that off.” He reaches his hand across to study James’s earring and James moves his fact to the side to give him better access. Thomas tugs on it gently and James shudders. 

\--------------

The problem with Thomas is that James believes in him. He doesn’t just believe what he tells him, or what he shows him. He believes  _ in  _ Thomas. 

So when the next day Peter Ashe proposes that it might help their case to send someone to Nassau to build up a case for it and it's clear that someone needs to be  _ James,  _ he closes his eyes and moves to the window. Even from here it feels like Nassau is calling to him, taunting to him. It has a hundred voices; Vane, Silver, Eleanor, more. Thomas won’t ask it of him because he doesn’t want James to leave. But he  _ needs  _ him to. 

So Thomas doesn’t have to ask. 

James agrees to the thing that was never asked of him because it is something that Thomas Hamilton needs. 

Late at night he goes to the bench in the park again. He doesn’t know if Silver will come, he’s not sure he wants him to. 

He hears him before he sees him. 

Silver sits next to him. He doesn’t say a word. 

“I have to go back to Nassau.” James tells him quietly. 

“To burn it?” Silver asks him, weary. 

James laughs bitterly. “No, to save it.”

Silver blinks up at him. “To save Nassau? How?”

“When I came back here I was angry. Adrift. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, or even if I wanted anything at all. Then a week after I came back, I told them I had been lost at sea for five years and they gave me a week before giving me an assignment.” He laughs bitterly. “A week after I came back I’m assigned to the Lord Proprietor of the Bahama Islands. I was told before meeting him that together we would rid Nassau of it’s pirate problem.” He pauses and looks at Silver. 

“Jesus…” Silver says, there’s worry in his eyes now. Worry for himself, for Nassau. For his stolen men. 

“I wasn’t exactly upset over the prospect as I’m sure you can imagine. Do you know what he tells me? That he wants to  _ save  _ Nassau. To save Nassau. As if such a thing could be done.” 

“I’m sensing a but.” Silver says as he leans back on the bench and stares at James. 

“There were weeks, months of planning. We worked it all out you know, all of it. How many ships he’d need, how many laborers. Except the one thing we didn’t discuss.” James pauses to let Silver fill in the answer on his own. 

“The pirates.” 

James nodded. “As you can imagine given the manpower and ships we could have taken Nassau with me in command, easily. But Thomas…” James trailed off. 

“Thomas? Not the Lord Proprietor or Lord Hamilton?” Silver asks, looking for a piece of the puzzle he’s missing. 

“Thomas doesn’t want to wage a war on the pirates, no matter how quickly it's over. He doesn’t want to kill them. He doesn’t want to hang them.” James leans forward and places his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

“Then what does he want to do?” Silver asks, his curiosity getting the better of him as always. 

James groans into his hands. “He wants to pardon them.” 

“I’m sorry, did you say that he wants to  _ pardon _ the pirates of Nassau? How many?” Silver asks, astonished. 

“All of them.” James wants to cry, to scream.

“Jesus. And you think he can do that?” Silver asks him. 

“I think he’ll die trying.” James says. 

“He has to know that there are some that will never take the pardon, Charles Vane for starters.  _ You  _ wouldn’t have taken the pardon.” Silver still doesn’t get it. 

“They will.” James tells him, more sure of this than he’s been of anything in a long time. “ _ You  _ will.”

“Why would we do that?” Silver is looking at him, James looks back. 

“I’m going to go to Nassau. When I’m there you will keep the men in line. No one will speak to me as if they know me. The navy and myself will see what we need to see to secure the pardons.” James says confidently, he knows Silver hates it when he does this. 

“Again, why would we do that?” Silver grits his teeth. He still doesn’t get it.

“Because once you do, once the pardons are signed and there is peace again in Nassau, I will give you what you want.” James says with the arrogance of a man who knows he is right and cannot afford to be wrong.    
  


“You would do that? For Nassau? For the men?” Silver  _ still doesn’t understand. _

“No, not for them.” James feels his eyes pulled to where he knows Thomas’s house is. 

“Jesus  _ fuck _ . You fell in love with him.  _ You? _ ” Silver stands up, he’s angry now. 

James sits back defensive. “What the fuck does it  _ matter _ ?”

Silver runs his fingers through his hair. “You? You are willing to give up the treasure for a man you’ve known for what, four months? Five? The treasure that you fought and killed over? For a  _ Lord _ ?”

“Yes.” James says with certainty. “What I don’t understand is why it bothers you so damn much.”

“I want to meet him.” Silver says. 

“ _ No. _ ” James growls out. 

“Why, afraid of what I’ll do to him? What I’ll say to him?” Silver taunts him. 

“Yes!” James almost shouts. He looks around but there’s still no one there. 

“Jesus.” Silver says again and looks at him like he’s a stranger. “Fine, we’ll go to Nassau to secure your pardons.”

“We?” James asks. 

“Yes, we, I’m afraid I’m going to need a ride back. I don’t suppose you’ll need a cook on your fancy naval vessel.” 

“Jesus, did you come here all alone?” James looks at him in astonishment. 

Silver only winks at him. 

“The ship will leave in a week.” James tells him before walking away into the dark again.

\------------

Seven days later James has bid Thomas and Miranda farewell several times, many times separately and a few together. He had given Thomas his earring for safe-keeping and Miranda had Thomas to keep safe. 

He was doing his last check of the ship when Admiral Hennessey came to bid him farewell. “I hope you know what you’re getting into son.” 

James smiled at him and gave a salute. “I’m sure I’ll be alright sir.” They went over the details of his departure when the last straggler boarded. It was of course none other than Long John Silver. James ignored him. 

Hennessey gave him a fatherly clap on the shoulder and then he boarded the ship. They made their departure. It was three hours before Silver managed to worm his way into James’ office. 

“Doesn’t this remind you of the good old days?” Silver said as he said in front of James’ desk. 

“The days when I was surrounded by an untrustworthy crew, none of whom surpassed you yourself in that?” James asked. 

Silver barely even flinched. 

“You know there never was much time between the mutiny and my escape for me to ask you why you did it. I understand that the money and captaincy no doubt played a large role, but the look on your face when it happened… I don’t know who hated you more in that moment, myself or you. If I had to say though, I’d say it was you.” James studied Silver’s face, not sure what he was looking for. Or if he even wanted to find anything there. Or if he cared.

“Once I told Eleanor that guilt was natural and went away if you let it.” Silver said quietly. 

James laughed harshly. “I imagine before that you had never felt true guilt.” 

“It wasn’t about the money. Or the captaincy. It was about the men to a degree, you did lie to them.” Silver said. 

James stared at him, unrelenting.

“It was killing you.” Silver looked him dead in the eye. 

“What was?” James was confused. 

“Being a pirate. You were barely even there half the time, lost in your head. I’m not sure you even knew what was going on at times.” Silver’s voice was quiet. “You  _ were _ lost at sea.”

“And you what?  _ Saved me? _ ” James snarled at him. “Then why do you feel so bad about it?”

“Because  _ I  _ lost  _ you _ !” Silver’s voice is desperate. It’s almost unbearably sad and James shouldn’t but he can’t help himself.

“You never even had me.” James growls out. “Not physically. Not emotionally. Not as a friend. Nor lover. You barely even had me as a captain.” 

John smiles at him sadly, it's a wretched thing and  _ James _ is the one that put it on his face. He can’t help but hate himself a little for it. “I best start supper.” He leaves the cabin.

James doesn’t see him for a week. It shouldn’t be possible on a ship of this size, or any ship really, but Silver has always exceeded in trampling his expectations of him.

He sees Silver standing on the starboard side of the ship, watching the waves crest.

Two weeks later he comes to his cabin again.

“I never figured out how you managed to do it.” Silver says by way of starting the conversation. 

“Do what?” James sighs but stops his writing to look at him.

“Find Avery’s stash. No one else could, everyone spent years of searching. But you were the only one to find it.” Silver is studying him again. 

“Tell me, how do you think I did it?” James asks, humoring Silver yet again. 

“Oh I don’t know, torture, sheer force of will. Your stubbornness knows no bounds.” 

James laughed. “I’m afraid it's nothing so dramatic.” 

Silver stares at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh before.”

“Surely you have.” James tries to think of a time when Silver would have heard it but he can’t. 

“I haven’t. It’s… nice.” Silver’s eyes are crinkled like he wants to smile, James wonders why he doesn’t. 

“I’m glad to know you think my laughter is nice.” James raises an eyebrow at him. 

“The treasure? How did you find it? There were so many years where everyone looked for it yet you were the only one to find it. It was lost for two years.” 

“It was never lost. I knew where it was the entire time.” James sat back in his chair, waiting for the reaction. 

“You knew the entire time? While everyone tore Nassau to shreds after you killed him?” Silver hissed at him, he could tell he wanted to yell but this wasn’t the place to do so. 

“Of course I did, he told me where it was. And I didn’t kill him.” James rolled his eyes at Silver. “Honestly John, not everything is so dramatic.” 

“I’m sorry, you're telling me that not only did you not kill Henry Avery and he’s still out there somewhere, but he  _ told  _ you where the stash was?” Silver looked at him in disbelief. “Why would he do that? Why would he do any of that?”

“I think he thought it was funny?” James shrugged. 

“He thought it was funny.” Silver’s voice was strangled. 

“It is thought if you think about it, he tells me where his stash is hidden away. Then we pretend like I kill him, he takes enough of the stash to set him up for good. Then he dies enigmatically and I continue on pirating adding to the stash like nothing had ever happened. Then let's not forget that my men mutiny against me but fail to recover the location of the stash in the process. Now the whole of Nassau wants what's in my head and I’m coming there to save them from themselves for a man who is a thousand times better than anyone who ever set foot on that damned island. It’s fucking hilarious.”

“I’m sorry I’m still stuck on the fact that he  _ told  _ you where the stash was and apparently left you the majority of it.” Silver looks like he wants to strangle him. 

“Yes, yes he did.”

“ _ Why? _ ” 

“Do you know that the rate of turnover of pirates on Nassau is incredibly quick? By my reckoning most who had been around the first time I stepped foot on Nassau were no longer breathing the last time I was there. The Henry Avery I knew had come to Nassau not four years before I did.” 

“That can’t be, Henry Avery was a pirate for  _ decades _ .” Silver said, like it was fact. It was  _ part  _ of a fact.

“That’s almost true. Prior to well, me, there had been as far as I can tell six Henry Avery’s. Each chosen by the one before.”

“I’m sorry, are you telling me that Henry Avery was not one man but a  _ title _ ? Passed down from one man to the next as a sort of inside joke and no one has ever been any the wiser because pirates die oh so quickly?” 

“That is exactly what I’m telling you.” James looked him dead in the eye. “I decided to keep my name, or at least the one I had made for myself, Henry agreed if only because I was steadily growing near them in fame and had surpassed them in fear.”

“And a few years down the line, you would have what? Retired your name and passed the cache on to someone else?” Silver asked him incredulously. 

James shrugged. “It’s hard to say. Does it matter? The cache is real and it will be yours once our deal is done.”

“Jesus, I can’t deal with you right now.” Silver said then stormed out of the room. 

James sighed and went back to his writing. 

A week later he summons Silver to his office. “We’re a week out from Nassau, you sent the letter yes?” 

Silver nodded, “They know to expect us else they’ll face the combined wrath of Long John Silver and Eleanor Guthrie. And Max.” 

“That’s quite the bit of wrath.” James says wryly. 

“And it’s nothing compared to what we faced when Miss Guthrie learned of our mutiny.” Silver’s voice is bitter. 

“Really?” James asks curiously, he’d never paid much thought to whether or not any one would be angered on his behalf. 

“Oh yes, she placed a ban on us like no one had seen since Charles Vane.” Silver tells him. 

“That was sweet of her, she let up I’m assuming?” James asks him.

“She did.” Silver looks away from him. 

“Why?” 

“I told her the truth.” Silver still isn’t looking at him.

“And which truth is that?” Jams asks, Silver has always excelled at telling lies. But the truth he’d struggled with.

“I need to prepare supper.” Silver says then he’s gone. Like a ghost. 

James doesn’t see him until Nassau is on their horizon. Silver comes up to him on the quarterdeck. They’re alone, or alone as they can be. 

“If possible it would be best that your men stayed aboard, at least initially.” Silver doesn’t say that it was more dangerous for them to leave the ship than stay on it. He doesn’t say that the letter may not have made it in time. He doesn’t say that even between himself, Eleanor, and Max, it might not be enough to keep all of Nassau from tearing at James.

He doesn’t need to. James nods at him. “That’s the beauty of the navy, they actually follow orders.” It wasn’t necessarily meant to be a joke but Silver laughs at it anyways. 

They try to argue with him, his men, but he won’t hear it. They wonder why the cook of all people is going to shore with him. James tells them it's because he looks the least threatening. He thinks Silver might just shoot him from the look he gives them, but it's true. His men nod.

They pull up as close as the bay will let them, a navy ship surrounded by pirate vessels and smugglers’ ships. James and Silver are lowered into the water.

“I never asked, how you all discovered I had the cache.” James says quietly once they’re a ways from the ship. 

Silver stops rowing. James does too. “It was Dufresne. He did the math, you never spent much of your coin and you made so damn much of it. We didn’t figure in Avery’s cache until the end, it was mostly guesswork. You and Gates had both known Avery well, there were even rumors that you had his journals.”

“Jesus.” James wants to say he’s not angry, that he’s let go. 

“We figured if Gates had stepped aside to let you kill Avery it must have been worth it.”

“Jesus.” James says again. He’s not sure he knows how to say anything else. 

“James I-” Silver starts to say but James cuts him off. 

“Just shut up and row Silver.” He can tell he wants to argue by the way his shoulders clench together. He doesn’t. 

They reach the shore. He pulls the boat up on the sand. Silver leads him into town, no doubt to Eleanor’s Tavern. 

The men stare at the two of them, James doesn’t know most but it doesn’t matter because they know  _ Silver _ . He grits his teeth. 

The tavern is loud and unruly as ever. Silver opens the door and silence falls. James follows him in and if silence could render a man deaf, he is sure it would have done so to him in that moment. He can see Eleanor and Max quietly arguing towards the back, they hadn’t seen them yet. 

He looks around him and recognizes several faces. Rackham and Bonny are there, together as always. He hears a quiet “Shit” from Bonny. Billy Bones is sitting with Dufrense, they’re both glaring at him. Mr. Scott gives him a nod which James returns. Hornigold snears at him. He doesn’t see Charles Vane, he’s not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. 

Someone drops a glass and it shatters. It breaks Eleanor and Max out of their argument and they finally look up. Max gasps. But Eleanor’s eyes light up and she charges at him. He barely reacts in time to catch her in his arms. She hugs him tighter than he thinks he’s ever been held. 

“I thought you were dead, they all said you weren’t but I didn’t believe them.” She whispers into his ear. 

“I’m…” he wants to say alright but he doesn’t know if he is, “I’m here.” He tells her instead and clutches her back. Everyone’s staring but he doesn’t care. 

_ Jesus  _ he didn’t even notice it until this moment but he had  _ missed  _ her. 

“We should move upstairs.” Silver’s voice comes from beside him. 

They break apart. She’s crying a little, but she’s smiling at him so widely it almost burns. 

Silver’s looking at them and he looks… angry. He looks angry. Why does he look angry? James shakes his head. He follows Eleanor upstairs. Everyone in the room he knew followed them. 

They all sit at the table. He waits. 

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Billy snarls. 

He doesn’t have to wait long apparently. 

“He is where he belongs, he is alive no thanks to you.” Eleanor snarls right back at Billy. 

“He-”

“Flint doesn’t-”

“That man-” 

Dufrense, Billy and Hornigold all start together but Silver banged his hand on the table. “Enough! That man is here despite everything we’ve done to him and to each other to offer salvation.”

They all look at him but it's Max who speaks. “What salvation?” 

“I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that I somehow managed to con my way into the British navy?” They all nod. “It’s not a con. I was navy before I was pirate.” 

“I knew it.” Bonny says. 

“I don’t believe you.” Billy says. 

“I don’t care. I’ve been in the navy since I was nine years old, by then all my family was dead and I was taken in by an admiral in the navy. After the events of last year, I went back to London unsure of what to do next but knowing there was at least something there for me. I told them that I had been lost at sea for five years after my former captain sailed our ship into a storm against my warnings. I had been the lone survivor.” James looked around the table at the men and women surrounding him. He still wasn’t sure they were worth it. If Nassau was worth it. 

But Thomas was. 

“And how much of that is true?” Rackham asks, ever one for a good story. 

“Does it matter?” James asks and Rackham shrugs. “What matters is I am ultimately here to assess Nassau.” 

“Assess it for what?” Eleanor asks. 

“Redemption.” James leans back in his seat and looks at the people surrounding him. Most have betrayed him at some point or another, willingly or not. They've all betrayed someone at this table, more than once. But when it came down to it, he wasn’t here for them. 

“And you think it is worthy?” Mr. Scott asks him. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think, it matters that the ship full of men I’ve brought with me think. If they leave here with the impression that there is something worthwhile here, then we’ll have done our jobs.” James feels so damned tired. He wants to go home.

“And what exactly does redemption entail?” Hornigold asks cynically. James thinks somewhat ironically that he’s the most likely of them all to take what Thomas wants to give. 

“Nassau is unsustainable. Piracy is unsustainable, we all know it, it’s simply a matter of accepting the inevitable. If Nassau permits, my colleagues and I can secure full pardons for its inhabitants.” James says. 

“I’m sorry, did you say inhabitants? As in everyone?” Rackham asks, astonished. 

“Everyone.” James says again. 

“Fuck.” Bonny says. 

“Quite.” James smiles at her. 

“Your fucking with us.” Billy says, his eyes are searching James’ for something he doesn’t find. A lie? Maybe. “And you’re going along with this?” He looks to Silver now. 

“ _ We _ are going along with this.” Silver says resolutely. 

“Why?” Several voices ask at once. 

“Because most of you want it. And because if I had it my way I would have burned this island and just about everyone on it. And because it's the right thing to do.” James says like it matters to these people. 

“No, there’s something more.” Billy says because he’s always been too damn smart for his own good.

“Captain Flint has agreed to give us the whereabouts to his and Henry Avery’s cache should we go along with this plan and prevent any dissenters from acting out while or after he is here.” Silver says in a tone that leaves no room for argument. 

“ _ You _ agreed to that?” Dufresne asks unbelieving. 

“It was my idea.” James snears at him.

“I’ve never liked you or agreed with you on anything but this…” Hornigold trails off. 

“You’d get to keep the island, we’d ship in the goods and people necessary to make this place function again. Whoever wants to leave can, whoever wants to stay can work the land or find other trades. It’s a good deal, the best you’ll get along with the cache.” James is so goddamn tired. 

“I think,” Max looks around the table, “that that sounds like a fair deal, don't the rest of you as well?”

Everyone at the table nods save Billy and Dufresne. They look to Silver as if he’s grown another head. As if it’s so mad to agree with James about this. They had looked at Silver like that on the Walrus when he’d agreed with Flint then too. 

Silver looks to the two of them. “We are doing this, we get the cache and the pardon this way. It is a win win situation and I’ll not have any one man fucking it up for the rest of us.” He’s  _ growling _ at them and Jesus, James might understand a little bit why everyone on this island is so goddamn afraid of Silver. 

They nod to him but even James can tell that particular discussion is far from over. 

Eleanor stands up, “Gentlemen, ladies, I think it would be best if we all retired for the night to think about these events. Captain Flint, I assume you need to return to your ship sooner than later?” 

James nods to her. “It’s Lieutenant James McGraw actually, especially when the navy can hear if you all don’t mind.” It’s almost a threat. Almost but Eleanor’s eyes shine bright at him, pleased by what he’s not sure. 

“I’m certain we’ll all remember.”  _ That _ is a threat. They trickle out leaving him alone with Silver and Eleanor. 

Silver looks between the two of them before sighing and saying “I’ll wait down stairs then.”

He’s barely out the door before Eleanor is in his arms again. This hug is much shorter but just as fierce. “I thought they’d killed you.” 

“They nearly did.” 

“Why didn’t they?” She asks, like she already knows the answer. 

“It was just me and Silver in the end, the rest were… I don’t know where they were actually, don’t much care either. He couldn’t do it in the end, kill me, and I wouldn’t tell him where it was. So I left.” He sits down on the table. 

“I’m glad you did, Silver was… Well I didn’t notice at first, I’m sure he told you I wasn’t very happy with him or the rest of his crew.” She held her nose up in the air, the way she did when she knew that someone might not approve of what she’d done but she wasn’t going to apologize for it. He wasn’t going to ask her to.

“Silver was what?” That was the piece he was missing. 

“Flint…” She starts but trails off. “James, you have to know how he feels about you.”

And  _ oh. _ That made so much about, well, everything make sense. “I suspected he felt…” James cleared his throat, he didn’t know how to lie about this, of course he’d  _ known _ . “I knew he had more.... Affection for me then he’d let on.” Jesus, he couldn’t even say it. “But I was quite certain he didn’t know himself.” Not until that day, until the mutiny. 

“Well he knows now and he’s painfully aware of it. He told me he did it all to save you from yourself, from being swallowed whole by James Flint.” Eleanor’s voice was quiet. 

James closed his eyes. “And did you believe him?”

“I think that was the reasoning behind his decisions, even if he didn’t know it at the time. Does it mean he is owed your forgiveness or anything back from you? No. Does that mean he doesn’t want it more than anything?” She trails off and leaves him to answer the question himself.

But he  _ can’t _ . 

“I need to go.” He stands up. “I’m more glad than you could know that you’re alright Eleanor.” He squeezes her shoulder then lets go. 

“Me too.” He hears her say as he leaves the room and walks into the huge fucking mess he’s made.


End file.
